During the last few years we’ve seen society grow ever more supportive of gays and lesbians, with more vocal and legislative support for gay lifestyles and civil rights. But that might still not mean anything when it comes to the question of your family’s acceptance of your life as a gay man. Getting your family to accept your gay lifestyle can be tough. It isn’t just a question of whether they’re fair versus unfair, prejudiced versus enlightened. Rather, your family’s thoughts and expectations were tied to one pattern, one idea they had concerning you from years ago — and it had to change. The question is, were they able to change their entrenched thinking? If not, what would help?

Initial Support of Your Lifestyle

Maybe you came out long ago to your family members, and it seemed you had their support in a general way. This must have been a wonderful thing to feel, especially if you see family frequently; everyone, everywhere wants to be respected, loved and accepted by the ones we grew up with. They are our foundation, and that’s why it is worthwhile to try to do what is possible to make that relationship with family a full one, one which includes you and your gay partner.

Gay And Gay Once Again

You probably encountered the first pothole in the road when you brought a boyfriend to your family’s house to meet them. And sitting there, with your guy next to you, you felt that every movement of yours was being scrutinized as if you were an alien. You may have refrained from any physical contact with your boyfriend, but what if you didn’t? And that’s the test, isn’t it: Sure, your parents gave lip service to supporting you in your gay lifestyle, and they believed they meant it, but when they’re hit with the reality of it — namely, that yes, you are having a dating relationship and having sex with a man — that’s a whole ‘nuther thing. They can’t escape the knowledge of it, so it’s as if you just came out to them AGAIN.
 
In a way, you did. You were presenting them with the opportunity to see you firmly fixed in this gay man’s role. The old role was probably something along the lines of their little boy growing up, marrying a woman, having a family of his own. But now the life waiting for you will be on your own terms (and might still consist of marrying and having children, of course). You’re the same man who grew up from that small boy your parents knew well, but now they have to get familiar with once more, by revisiting their idea of you.
 
If your family relationship is important enough to you, you should let them do it — Let them see and hear enough about you to work it through. But of course you want them to see the most positive aspects of your life and your relationships and your friends, so controlling the flow of information about your life, to some extent, may be helpful. For instance:

Allow Your Family To Know More About You

1. Talk regularly about your life, your general interests, and your dates — before you ask your family to meet a man you’re involved with. If you go out on a date, mention it and if it was good or bad. This helps make your daily life a real thing to them. This is an important thing for every member of any family.
 
2. Don’t introduce just any hot date to your family; don’t bring home a man unless your relationship is growing serious. The keepers, in other words.
 
3. Don’t bring a boyfriend to a major celebration if they’ve never met him. Instead, plan on bringing him after you’ve introduced him in shorter, less impactful meetings. Things like family holidays make for the most intense and stressful meetings we can experience! So work up to those. Once your family members have a relationship with your boyfriend, he will have a place at the family celebration. He’ll be more comfortable, and so will your family.
 
4. Let your family know the nice things about your boyfriend. Mention his strengths, his interests and hobbies, especially when those interests are also those of one of your family members. Pull them in, and let them know what he knows about — whether it’s political activism, furniture refinishing, dog training, or if he makes the best hot chocolate this side of the Rockies. Give your family lots of specific things they can talk to him about.
 
5. Talk to your family about how your life really is. Show them that you and your boyfriend have the same problems any heterosexual couple would, because whether you’re in love with a man or a woman, you’re people with similar needs and feelings about being loved. This is the most-real talk you can have with those at home. The day you can talk about your boyfriend and your family talks about it as easily as if it were a heterosexual relationship, that’s the day you’ve reached node lambda — the most “inner,” the most central place you can reach. That’s a good day, when you’ve enfolded your family around you again.
 
6. Let your family know your intention is to be happy. When you are in a relationship that is good, let them see that it is integral to your happiness. They don’t know how long you’ve been looking for someone, or if you are simply happy being yourself these days.

Discretion About Your Dating Life

We haven’t talked about the right of privacy when you’re with your family. They don’t have the right to ask inappropriate questions, or make rude remarks. So to protect yourself, while you’re doing all this sharing with your family members by discussing your gay life, remind yourself to watch out for anyone trying to ask or remark on something you don’t consider up for discussion. Decide for yourself where your personal sharing ends, and with whom. Sometimes it’s one particular relative who is the problem.

Parental Discretion

What goes without saying is that we all tend to do some editing of our lives when we talk to our families. It isn’t kosher to tell your mother about going home with two guys at once, or having an encounter with someone whose name you didn’t catch. If your sister wouldn’t tell your mom about those things, either, then don’t you do it. Knowing a little too much about your intimate life can make your family uncomfortable whether you were gay OR straight. Moms and dads are sort of eternal in this respect. So don’t burden them with unnecessary details.

When It’s Not Good

Some of us were born into families who never accept that their son goes with men. It may be that you can keep a speaking relationship regardless, perhaps never bringing your partner into that circle. Some of us may not want to visit a family which doesn’t accept your partner, but that’s for each individual to say. Perhaps the challenge we face after that is to try to preserve the ideals that should have been in a family relationship. Can we love others unconditionally, as we ask our parents to do? Can we take care of another person, especially a close friend, or lover, in illness or old age? Can we forgive — accept — tolerate — love, like the good family would?

 
Families form when people love one another. If we cannot change our parents’ or relatives’ minds enough to respect and support us as gay men, then it is vital that we still make sure we know how to form a family, by showing love and acceptance to those whom we choose to keep close to us.

You should at least consider introducing your gay partner to your family — because yes, it is that important. Family ties are fundamental ones and figure highly in your personal hierarchy. While we don’t believe in fairy tales, the potential rewards of establishing a connection between the people you grew up with and the man you are in a gay relationship with are worth some work.
 
It can, however, also be very hurtful if you truly value your family’s opinion and want their approval. If you come from a close family, it may be very difficult trying to pursue a relationship with someone they disapprove of. Even if you’re not that close, it’s still nice to know that they accept the person you choose to spend your time with. Here are a few things that you can do to try to gain your family’s approval for your new relationship.

Discuss the Issue

The first thing that you want to do is discuss the issue. Just knowing that they don’t approve is not enough. You need to know why they feel the way they do if you want to try to change their mind. What is the real reason they don’t want you to see this new person? It could be something as simple as them wanting you to go to college before you get in a real relationship — to something as serious as they found out this person has a criminal record that you don’t know about.
 
You have to talk to your family and find out their concerns and why they feel like they do before you can understand them. However, when you talk you should be willing to listen, too. Don’t dismiss something they say because you think it’s silly or invalid. To them it may be very serious and if you allow them to explain, then you’ll understand why it’s a problem for them even if you still disagree.
 
Being able to sit down and discuss the matter can really make a difference. Sometimes, family members just need to be reassured that you’re going to be safe. Addressing their concerns will often be enough to get your family’s approval so they will at least give this new person in your life a chance.

What Do You Do When They’re Being Over Protective

If your family is simply being overprotective, it can be a little more difficult to gain their approval. Sometimes, parents and in some cases, siblings feel like there will never be anyone good enough for you. As a result, they find something wrong with anyone new you start dating. They see all of your potential and have high hopes for your future and they’re afraid you’ll lose the opportunity to accomplish your goals if you pursue a relationship with anyone less than perfect.
 
There’s not a lot you can do in this case other than assure them that you won’t let anyone else interfere with your plans for the future. It may help if you explain to your family that your partner encourages you to pursue your goals. For example, maybe they encourage you to go to college or to go after that job promotion you’ve been working hard to get.
 
When your family sees that this person wants the same things for you that they do, they may be more willing to accept and approve of your new relationship.

What If They Have a Legitimate Reason to Not Approve

Occasionally, there will be a legitimate reason why your family does not approve of your new relationship. In this case, you’re going to have a harder time getting their approval but don’t give up. A lot will depend on what the reason is.
 
For example, some families disapprove when there is a big difference in your ages. In many cases, dating someone much older than you are can cause serious issues especially if you’re still very young. They may also be concerned if the person you’re dating has several children they don’t see often, have been married and divorced two or three times or if they have a criminal record.
 
Anytime your family has a legitimate reason for not approving of your new relationship, it would be wise to listen to what they have to say. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with them but they may know more about the person than you do. After discussing the situation with them, you can make your decision as to whether or not you want to continue with the relationship.
 
If you do continue to see the person, you can consider seeking the help of a counselor. Many times, they can help find ways for everyone to accept someone’s past and move on based on future actions.

What Not to Do

It’s not a good idea to tell your new partner every single detail about why your family does not approve of your relationship, at least not at first. This could cause hard feelings between them unnecessarily. Instead, try to work the problem out with your family.
 
However, if things don’t work out and your family still disapproves but you want to continue dating the person, then you should let them know there is a problem you haven’t been able to do much about. This way, they’ll know what to expect when they meet your family.

Don’t Create Problems Unnecessarily

When starting up a new relationship, you don’t want to create problems unnecessarily. Every couple has disagreements and it’s natural to get aggravated with your partner sometimes. When this happens, you want to talk to someone that sees your side of things, even if it’s not that important of an issue. Therefore, we call up family or close friends and complain.
 
While this is completely normal and healthy, it can give that person the wrong impression if you’re not careful how you word things. Try starting the conversation by saying everything is fine but you just need someone to complain to a little because things are not going your way. Otherwise, they may mistake your innocent venting as a sign of a serious relationship problem. It’s even more important how you word things when they did not originally approve of your new relationship.

Summary

It’s always nice to have your family’s approval when you enter into a new relationship but sometimes this approval doesn’t come easily. Talking to them and learning why one or more members of your family disapprove of your relationship choice will help you understand and know what actions to take to try to resolve the problem.
Once you know why they feel the way they do, you’ll know if they have a legitimate reason that you should take into consideration before continuing the relationship. If their reasons are not valid, then perhaps you can offer some comforting words to make them feel better.
 
You can even consider family counseling to help determine what the problem is so you can all get along even though you’re making the decision to see someone they don’t approve of. Eventually, your family should come to accept your choice as long as you do have a good relationship with the person you choose.

So you have read all of the information on dating sites for gay men and you are ready to start meeting single gay men so you can find that special someone. Only you have found that there are tons of sites to choose from some that are for gays only and others that offer services to everyone. Online Dating is the top way to start a romance and find lovers as well as hookup for sex flings and friendship now, so looking deeply is important. Of course, It can be time consuming and frustrating wading through the thousands of site profiles and sites and this can put you off them all together. So how do you find the best ones?

Know What Features You are Looking For In A Dating Site

You need decide what you are looking for specifically; is it a romance, sex or a long term relationship that you want from a match? This can help you to choose which website is right for you and your needs. Many of the better sites offer more than one type of match for their members. If you are not sure what you want yet, you just know you want to meet more people and you are keeping an open mind to the possibilities then you would probably want to join one of the bigger communities that offer many more options. When you are sure about the type of relationship or match that you want then you should choose a site that offers that particular option. For instance, if you are a gay man who likes dating bi-curious or heterosexual men then you can join a website that is dedicated to that genre specifically.

Does the Website Have A Free Trial Period?

When you find some gay or gay-friendly dating websites that you would like to check out, see if they have a free trial period. Nothing says that you cannot belong to more than one but this can get expensive particularly of you do not like the sites you have chosen. A free trial period allows you to check out all the features without having to become financially invested. When you find the websites that you really like you can pay for these after the trial period and continue with your search for a match. If you do not choose to stay with the site, make sure you cancel your subscription at least a day before it ends so you do not end up being charged on your credit or debit card unexpectedly.

The Best Features

Every site offers some of the same features such as instant messaging and email and these are great ways to get to know your matches. Others offer more in the lines of technological advances for their members that can be more rewarding and fun. There are features such as video chat where you can meet your match face to face only over the safety of the internet through web cams. You can see each other and chat just like you would in real life. There are also chat rooms and other ways to stay in touch with your matches such as flirts and blogs. If these are things that interest you then you should choose a site that offers them.

Security Features

You want to make sure that no matter which gay dating site you choose, it is secure and keeps your personal information personal. Here are some guidelines:

• On a Gay Online Dating Site – If you feel there is a problem with someone’s behavior either online, by email, or in person, you need to promptly contact support and alert them as to the undesirable behavior of the member. Give them all the details possible – do not hold back, give dates and times, exact quotes from chat logs or email, and do not embellish or lie. If the response does not please you, ditch the service and join another online gay dating site.
• It should have a secure area where you put in your credit/debit card information and the online dating site should be using high grade encryption so it cannot be hacked and your personal account details stolen. A secure web browser connection is indicated by the site url changing from “http:” to “https” – the “s” stands for secure. This is the same whether you use Chrome, Explorer, Firefox, or any other internet browser.
• It should also have an onsite email for members so they do not have to give out their own personal email to any matches. You do not want anyone to get your actual email nor do you want them to have your personal address or phone number. This can lead to stalking issues and cyber stalking is bad enough you do not want to have to watch your back at home too.

Membership Cost

While some people would pay anything to find love, happiness and a lifetime commitment, not every can afford to join some sites because they are just too expensive. You need to find a site that not only fits your other criteria but also fits your budget too. The good thing about a paid site is that when someone has to put money into it, like you, they are serious about finding a match. This means that you are not wading through a bunch of profiles of people who are not looking for the same things as you. Everyone is searching for their love match and you could be the one.

Is it Gay Enough?

Don’t laugh. Some mainstream websites with gay members as well as straight members may have a limited amount of Gay or Bisexual members. But the silver lining is that you can join for free, and browsing will give you a good idea of whether or not the quantity PLUS quality meets your expectations. And you will have the opportunity to be more popular because there is less competition versus at one focused exclusively on sexual preferences.

Dating Local Members

If you want to make real life connections eventually then you want to join a website that has members in your area. You can search them out during your trial period to see how many gay people are on the site in your area code. It is much more difficult falling in love with someone who lives hundreds of miles away and where you have to drive long distances or fly to meet them once in a while. If you hit it off, you may find that you cannot handle a long distance relationship and hearts can be broken. Finding love in your own area is much easier and makes for stronger matches.

Review Conclusion

It can be overwhelming to see all of the possibilities with gay dating site and mainstream and options. If you want to find the service most suitable for your love, sex, and relationship needs, then you should take the above tips into consideration. Just make sure you always stay safe and keep your personal information personal until you really trust your match no matter which service you eventually choose.